It is a very odd feeling, to be both ecstatic that one has grabbed power not just beyond ones’ grasp but even beyond ones’ own reach…
And to be concerned and, perhaps, the slightest bit fearful of said power.
I write this in the hopes of clearing my own muddled thoughts, a condition that has occurred so rarely in my life that I find it disconcerting. Also annoying.
First off..I survived meeting the Clan Founder. A man so far-reaching in his gaze as to direct an entire house of magi to discover how to become a Cainite without the intervening nastiness of the Embrace, intelligent enough to have assisted in its creation..though my sire of course did most of the real work.
As he’ll go on about. At length. To his credit though, it IS a thing to sing about, proverbially speaking(NEVER ASK HIM TO SING AGAIN. I must keep reminding myself.)
Right, wandering again. The foremost thing to consider..is that he was ruthless enough to hunt down an Antediluvian and commit diablerie, one of the few sins left to our kind.
As much as I preach to the others, deep down I cannot lie to myself; Saulot was chosen because he was a good soul, probably the one nice-by-nature member of our kind left and Tremere, combined with the Inner Council, sucked him dry.
Anyone who survives in this Clan has that same ruthless streak in them. Somewhere. Even myself. I can but hope my faith can see me through the tough times, as it does(even if misplaced) for so many others.
It is also somewhat disconcerting to hear such a being claim, with all apparent sincerity, that I am much like him. Part of me still this night swells with pride at the very idea, while another is much more wary. And some tiny bit of me is terrified.
Perhaps it is my soul.
Oh well. Wealth awaits! Thaumaturgical power awaits! The ability to stab Vykos with a rusty knife(or well-thrown Lasombra) awaits!
I am reborn into the Night
I need not a source of light
for I carry Light within
I am not afraid
For I am not alone